Wednesday, December 26, 2012

better late than never!

oh hey, week 18, where did you creep up from??

Actually, that's a total lie.  The fact that I haven't updated weekly since week fifteen has been hard on me!  I wanted to update on Dec. 10th SOOO BADDDD but I couldn't because I didn't know how to keep information secret! haha! So I waited.. and then drove to Arizona to see my mama bear and papa bear and it turns out my brother turned off their internet, so I couldn't update there either. Also explains why my mama bear hasn't been FB chatting with me as much lately.  Boo on having their internet turned off!! :P

OK so let me back up to Week Sixteen.  W16 was oh so good to me.  It was the first week I graduated from actually getting sick, to only dry heaving, and only about three times that week.  It was glorious.  I thought I was in heaven.  I could eat without getting sick, and I could fall asleep without any trash can by my bedside.  I felt normal again!!  Yes, glorious.

I also had my long-awaited next OB appointment.  I had a really hard time falling asleep the night before! So instead, I googled ways to wake up Baby W* so we could try and see what's in between those little legs.  I drank a lot of water from the moment I woke up to try and fill my bladder up, I drank a whole big glass of OJ twenty minutes before my appointment, I even ate plain chocolate M&Ms - I don't like plain chocolate, but I read the sugar rush helped... so I ate them. haha.  I jogged from the car to the office building.  I jiggled my belly a few times... you know.. the usual crazy stuff crazy mama-to-be's do - or maybe just me.

I got to my appointment and asked the lady at the front to be put in the room with the little machine in case the doc had time to check the gender.  She said it was too early and even though I minded my Ps and Qs, and asked nicely to just do it juuuuusssstttt innnnn caaaaaasssseeeee, she didn't do it.  Rude, raining on my parade and I haven't even left the waiting room yet.
Finally got taken back to the room, and was asked to empty my bladder.  Dang it!  The odds were definitely NOT in my favor (hey, what book is that from?? and if you're thinking movie, you need to read more!)
That's okay.. the tech finally found the heartbeat this time around.. after about five minutes of searching.  Healthy 150 BPM works for me!  Doc came in, went over my test results from previous blood work.  Apparently I never became immune to some sort of sickness and I will need to get a shot as soon as Baby W* pops out.  I guess after labor, what's a shot, right??? :(
LAW was on call with me waiting to see if we could find out the sex together.  He set an alarm and everything!  (It was supposed to be his bedtime since he works nights which are my noons/afternoons). I finally asked doc if we could try to see if we could find out the gender.  

"I know it's only 16 weeks, but I read that was enough, and LAW is deployed but he's up and ready to skype just in case this works!"
So he checked to see that the room with the machine was available, and it was, and we went in to check things out.  He started it up, saying, "But I'm not going to promise you anything, it's still - WOAH there it is!"
[In my head: What?  What "it" is where?!  I don't see anythinggggg. I don't understandddddd.]
"Well, she's either flipping you off, or that's his junk!"
*Insert blank stare here* Sooo.. is she flipping me off? Or is that his junk??  Hey, I don't know!
"I wouldn't doubt it's a boy, but I'll leave some room for question in case she's just flipping you off"

So there it was.  He's pretty sure that Baby W* is a boy. Unless she is cursing at me already, in which case she will be grounded until she's 35. Okay, 25.

I took a picture, sent it to LAW, and tried to explain what I don't even understand.  It looks like a 3 to me. That's the only reason I know that's what it's showing.

I immediately got home, finished the gender announcement cards I had premade, and sent them out to my immediate family as well as LAW's, and sent the rest of the family/friends ones a few days later (I wanted to give our immediate family a chance to find out first!)  Hopefully boy doesn't turn out to be girl after already announcing it, but either way will be great with me!
We will 100% confirm on my next appointment with a different doc who did the DS testing a few weeks ago - by the way, finally got all the results.  Baby W* has less than 1 in 10k probabilities of DS, and 1 in 2500 of spina bifida.  They said those are great numbers.  I'm thankful Baby W* is developing well!

Those are kinda the highlights for that week... I had a great time attending the Guard's Christmas party (great job putting it together, DM!) and hanging out with Baby Michael, his mommy MM and daddy DM. I was logically getting wasted on iced tea and drove them home so they could enjoy their rated R drinks.  Even Baby Michael was milk wasted by the end of the night.  It was also my first time driving in the snow (and at night!) but I think I did great.

I drove to Vegas on Saturday, saw an old friend from Jr High and High School, and then finished out the drive to AZ that Sunday.  Man, I was pooped when I finally got there!  Monday and Tuesday were super slow, and it helped me get settled and rest after that weekend, but starting on Wednesday, I had breakfast, lunch, and dinner with at least one person per day, not including the other early dinner I was already eating with my parents! hahaha.  I'm a fatty.  Huge thank you's to my mama bear for making every dish on my wish list while I was home, even tamales.  She's definitely a trooper.  LAW, you missed out sooooo bad! Sorry babe :(

I got to meet Baby Sofia while I was there, saw my friend JL's baby bump (she's due in Feb), found out a very good friend is expecting after much adversity (YAY!), and also got to meet Baby Ava.  So many babies right now!!!

There wasn't much going on as far as Baby W* goes, except most family/friends got our Christmas card in the mail along with the gender announcement, and some couldn't scratch it off because I failed and didn't layer enough paint on parts of the paper (SORRY! I was too excited and didn't want to wait any more for paint to dry!!!), a minor hiccup in the getting nausea/sick department, and the last day of Week 17 I finally saw a legit baby bump.  Nothing to brag about, but I can see it now for sure. Even when I don't have a belly full of pee!

That takes me to Week 18 - current week.  It started with Christmas Eve, and mannnn if there is one thing I look forward to during the Holidays, it's my mom's green turkey.  Some of you are lucky to know what I'm talking about and will have a hard time arguing when I say it is THE best turkey in the whole wide world. My mouth waters when I think of it on any given day and I have no problem admitting it.  They make it every year for Christmas Eve dinner and again for New Year's Eve dinner, and in my opinion, two times a year is just NOT enough.

I thought I was getting some sort of rash on my belly on Monday, because I had really tiny red bumps everywhere and I was super itchy.  I really think it's just from the stretching of the skin, but I could be wrong.  I never recovered from my allergy reaction to minocycline and doxycycline - so much for acne meds.. instead I got vertigo from one and itchy legs/knees from the other (mild eczema is my guess). Still, it had been contained specifically on my knees and legs, so I don't know if the pregnancy is just making it worse or what.
BUT here is the coolest part... Monday night, during Mass celebrating Jesus' birthday, I felt Baby W* move.  I wasn't sure if that's what I was feeling, because it was brief and only happend a few times that I could notice, so I didn't tell mama bear or papa bear.  In hindsight I guess I should've!  But LAW was the first to know so that's special enough.

Yesterday should have been great, being Christmas and all, but I was silly and opted to save a couple hundred bucks in exchange of traveling on Christmas.. I thought it was smart, since my parents do our celebration Christmas Eve, and I wasn't going to make it to Memphis for Christmas morning anyway, but it ended up biting me in the butt with all the crazy weather!  Too many people asked for a White Christmas and got one.. I can't be mad at them.. haha.  It was rough, though.  I left AZ at 10, flight was already delayed, finally landed in DFW and sat in our plane on the landing strip for two hours.  Ran to my connecting flight, that luckily at that point had been delayed to just ten minutes after I made it out of my landing gate.  I was so excited to make it to my flight, only to sit in the plane for about two hours before taxi'ing out.  We were in line to get de-iced before take-off, got to the runway, and just seconds before take-off, they shut down the engines and the captain said he had just gotten word that the weather was bad in Little Rock and we needed to wait a half hour to see if conditions improved.  They didn't, we taxi'ed back to the gate, waited while the plane was refueled, and were told to get off the plane while they waited on weather changes, up to another hour.  By then, all the restaurants were already closed and I hadn't eaten since about 8 AM that morning.  When LAW called, I cried my little eyes out and complained about the day.  Baby W* was upset, too.  I knew because at around 2 PM I started feeling non-stop movements in my belly.  Same ones as the night before.  I knew he was hungry since he would stop briefly whenever I would snack on some lame-o oatmeal bar that the flight attendant was kind enough to get me.  They didn't have ANY food for sale on either plane, and 10-12 hours is an awfully long time not to eat when I seriously need to eat every four hours right now. wowza.  There were so many canceled flights at DFW, that I really couldn't even be upset at people.  They were already getting so much crap from really angry people who didn't understand that weather is out of everyone's control.  I was just upset about the no food on flights thing, but it was just my luck I guess.
LAW was awesome and booked me a room at a Hyatt nearby, so at around 1230 AM, I got myself a little cab and went on my merry way.  His little rewards status with them let me check out at 2 PM so instead of trying to come in early today for an early flight on standby, I stayed in the hotel until the very last minute resting up.  Lucky thing, too, because the first flight out of here that I was supposed to be on standby for was canceled, and every flight since, including my own, has been delayed for at least an hour.  I'm sure there are still so many people stranded looking for seats from the now four canceled flights to Little Rock alone in the last 24 hours. I'm just glad I have a confirmed seat on this one - late or not!

So hopefully everyone else had a much better Christmas than the W-B clan this year!  I'm just glad to be seeing some of LAW's family at some point today.. haha.  and Memphis BBQ, definitely Memphis BBQ.  My mouth waters thinking of it, and it's the ONLY pork I want to eat (and I hope I still do when I actually order it)

Sorry about the ridiculously long update, but three weeks doesn't fit into a few short paragraphs :/

I'll leave you with any pictures I have related to Baby W* these last three weeks!

I took this last one after the shower to show my sister, but it's the only updated baby bump I have so whatever!

Due Date: last week of May 2013

How far along? Eighteen weeks now. holy cow!

Symptoms: ok, so I started getting floaters in my vision.  Is that normal??? ugh.  ligament stretch pains, and abnormally hungry.

This week, Baby is the size of: a bell pepper sort of?

Total weight gain: I haven't weighed myself in a long time.  I was two pounds under my normal weight at sixteen weeks though, so I'm getting there.

Gender: 90 something percent that it's a boy!

Food cravings: Memphis BBQ. haha

Anything making you queasy or sick: not eating every four hours.

Maternity clothes? no but I stopped buttoning some of my jeans... and I also got some loose fitted sweaters and leggings for the coming weeks.

Sleep: it's not too bad!  I have to sleep sideways though

Movement: weeeeee!

Stretch marks? nothing new yet

Wedding rings on or off? on

Swelling? Nope

Belly Button in or out? in

Labor Signs: definitely not.

Happy or Moody most of the time: I get really moody if I'm hungry, and it happens in seconds. haha

Best moment this week: feeling Baby W* move!

What I miss: LAW and my puppies right now

Looking forward to: getting to Little Rock then Memphis to see LAW's family, eating delicious Memphis BBQ! yummm

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove

Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic 'til I'm gathered safely in
Lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove
And dance me to the end of love

Oh hey, fifteen weeks. what's up?

These last two weeks have been pretty uneventful on all fronts.  No doctor appointments (other than my usual physical therapy), no baby kicks felt yet, no change in scenery... not even any snow on the ground yet!  The only thing that has happened was a minor oopsies on my behalf that resulted in a minor tear of my hamstring on my right leg. The bruising is going down, and the therapist even massaged it a bit on Monday.  Maybe I should tear things more often to get more massages.. mwahaha.  I'm also hopefully going in to see a different therapist that specializes in OB physical therapy for my shoulders/back.  The pain from the car accident in July has started to come back, and this time I can't take muscle relaxers to make it go away, so I needed a more permanent and less dangerous solution.
Other than that, I'm really looking forward to next week's appointment with my OB and see what Baby W* has been up to.  If I'm lucky, Baby W* just may let me see what's in between those cute little legs, otherwise we'd have to wait until after New Year's, and that's sooooo far away!

On that note, I bought my ticket to fly out to Little Rock on Christmas Day and my FIL will pick me up there and drive me to Memphis to spend about two weeks with his family.  It's always really nice to see them and I'm sure they are excited to see the baby bump (or lack thereof).  I did take a few pictures today to show, since everyone keeps asking me to put some up, but since it's barely noticeable, I really haven't seen the point of taking any pictures yet.. haha.

Not much else going on in my side of the world.. still missing LAW, still dying to get to AZ and be with family as well as get spoiled with mom's fantastic cooking.. you know, the usual.  Nausea monster is easing up a bit, but still not as much as I'd like it to.  I'm hoping it is completely gone by the time I have to board that plane Christmas morning.  Oh, I did get two really neat surprise gifts from LAW this week.. my snoogle pillow (AMAZING), and a "mama kit" with some oil for my belly, some balm, teas, and bath salts postpartum. What a nice young man I have by my side! haha

I hope everyone is welcoming December with open arms and enjoying all the festivities associated with this special time of the year!



Due Date: last week of May 2013

How far along? i'm on my fifteenth week!

Symptoms: nausea, lack of energy/motivation...

This week, Baby is the size of: an apple a day keeps the doctor away!

Total weight gain: not sure. maybe I'm at my starting weight now?

Gender: unknown

Food cravings: home cooked meals... I don't do much of that lately.

Anything making you queasy or sick: life. haha

Maternity clothes? negative captain!

Sleep: that snoogle is the best cuddle buddy sans LAW!

Movement: I can't distinguish yet!

Stretch marks? nothing I didn't already have!

Wedding rings on or off? on

Swelling? Nope

Belly Button in or out? in

Labor Signs: definitely not.

Happy or Moody most of the time: tired. and then that makes me moody sometimes.

Best moment this week: getting gifts yesterday!

What I miss: not feeling bloated all the time. kisses.

Looking forward to: my next appointment!! weeeee!

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

counting my lucky stars

How are we already heading into December???  Not that November went by quickly (trust me, it didn't), but this year definitely did!  And with that, it brings me to 14 weeks of pregnancy.  Have I mentioned how much I really didn't think I'd get here?! Holy wowzers.  I count my lucky stars every night and am so grateful to be moving along this pregnancy!

As I mentioned in my last post, I did the first part of Sequential Screening last week, and they called me yesterday to say that so far, it looks great (less than 1 in 10000 chance of DS).  I still have to do the second part of the screening after Dec. 5, and that will test for the other strands as well as spinal issues.  I think the last step will be my appointment with them on Jan 10 to compare measurements and give me my final results.  Baby is looking healthy though :)

I also went to my regular doctor for a prescription follow up that I got when I came back from Cancun. There was a new nurse, and she definitely didn't look at my chart or even know why I was there.  I almost got undressed to discuss a prescription.. luckily I was on top of my game and corrected her and headed to the doc's office along with all my clothing :)
First thing doc asks, however?  "Did you have a miscarriage?"  Oh, hey doc, nice to see you too!  Sometimes doctors are really bad at communicating with their patients.  He said that considering I have no belly yet/I'm not showing, it was really meant as a compliment if I was indeed still pregnant... But given my history, he was worried when he saw me.  Go ahead, doc, just keep digging your grave a little deeper on this one... If it wasn't because I saw Baby W* only a week ago, that little conversation may have been much more disturbing than it was.  To all the docs out there, learn how to talk to patients if you don't already. Goodness!

Anyway.  Looking forward to the coming weeks - hopefully Baby W* will let us see if he's a boy or if she's a girl come Dec. 10th.  That's also when my furbabies head to the vet to remove their reproductive systems.  This is going to be a big step for momma-bear, since I really never wanted to do that to them.. but they can't have any more furbabies so it's time to end all that.  Poor things.. they don't even know what's coming.  Also looking forward to heading home to AZ and visit with my parents/family and friends for a couple of weeks, including Christmas!  And then it's off to Tennessee to see LAW's dad and stepmom, who have been trying to get me out there since I left this Summer, and more so since they found out about Baby W*  I really wish I could've spent Thanksgiving up there, but New Year's will have to do.

I hope you all enjoy the coming weeks and don't get too stressed out with the commercial side of the holiday buzz.  Remember that Jesus is the Reason for the Season! ;) xox

Due Date: last week of May 2013

How far along? fourteen weeks. Boom!

Symptoms: this whole ligament stretching thing really hurts every now and then!  Still dealing with nausea and shortness of breath.. 

This week, Baby is the size of: orange you glad I didn't say banana?!

Total weight gain: negative 5 from 6 week weigh-in... not that I'm complaining since I'm sure when I start feeling like a cow I'll remember these weeks with lots and lots of jealousy. 

Gender: unknown

Food cravings: hahaha. I went and ate all the fried things I could find yesterday... nothing compares to Gus' chicken.. hopefully I'll be eating that in a month, though!

Anything making you queasy or sick: still no interest in eggs or pork.  morning and night are perfect for nausea monster to creep in, and every now and then, not enough fluids make me nauseous.

Maternity clothes? negative captain.

Sleep: I'm having a difficult time with sleep these last few nights, mostly just because I'm uncomfortable.

Movement: haven't felt anything yet, at least not that I'm aware.

Stretch marks? nothing I didn't already have!

Wedding rings on or off? on

Swelling? No

Belly Button in or out? in

Labor Signs: definitely not.

Happy or Moody most of the time: mostly sad about being lonely.

Best moment this week: today i made something really neat that I'm really proud of. so that!  

What I miss: sleeping next to LAW

Looking forward to: Dec. 10!

Saturday, November 24, 2012

I was warned about those cravings...

I definitely slacked on updates this week... I'll be honest, it's been a hard couple of weeks with LAW being gone, and me being in a city with a limited amount of friends, zero family, and few things to do. The fact that it's a Holiday week definitely doesn't help, since I feel like everybody was busy with family, except for me. Yes, I throw myself pity parties every now and then.. I have a hard time distracting myself from the loneliness, and still getting sick so often doesn't help my cause. haha.

So I guess I'll apologize to my family and friends for not keeping in better touch these last two weeks.

Anyway, I had another doctor appointment for Baby W* this week.  This time, it was for "Sequential Screening" which is "a two-stage screening procedure offered during pregnancy to identify women who are at increased risk of having a baby with Down Syndrome. It also permits screening for open neural tube defects, such as open spina bifida, and the identification of pregnancies at high risk for trisomy 18."  The nurse took measurements of my baby's back, neck, size, etc. and pointed out Baby W*'s nasal bones, developing brain, toes, hands, umbilical chord, etc.

When we started the process, it looked as if Baby W* was just about to suck on his thumb, and then got really annoyed with us for bothering him. hahaha!  He was nowhere near as active as the last time I got to see him, all he did was put his legs up over his head and just rest there.  It worked out great for the measurement shots, but when we tried to do a 3D shot, he just didn't cooperate.  The nurse tried pushing down and wobbling my tummy around trying to make him move to no avail.  He gave us his back completely, and then shifted back to the original position.. Stubborn baby already!  I wonder who he gets that from... oops!

He has the cutest profile I have ever seen, seriously.  His nose looked adorable, so I hope that means he's getting my nose and not LAW's. Oh, and he had pouty lips, too. So those are mine too. HAHA :) But the forehead is all LAW's, I just know it will be.

My belly still looks like I have a food baby most days, or at least as if I really have to pee - which is probably the case 90% of the time.  I've been way more thirsty than ever before my pregnancy, so I already pee every couple of hours because I'm just not used to so much fluid in my bladder!

I have another appointment with my regular OB on Dec 10th and maybe I'll know the sex of Baby W* by Christmas time.  I have a really neat idea of how to let everyone know since I'm far away.  I hope you enjoy receiving the news as much as I will enjoy preparing a way to tell you all!

I've had two friends so far say they had a dream about Baby W* and she was a girl.  Most people think it's a girl.  I kinda do, too, but I remain undecided since both dreams I had so far, he's been a boy!  I'll be more than thankful with a happy and healthy baby, regardless of the gender. I'm already looking forward to different things depending on what's between those legs, though.

 I'm also desperately looking forward to the days of no more nausea.  It's gotten a little better these last two weeks, though I feel like I took a step back Friday afternoon and today.  The worst is getting sick and knowing I have to eat something again shortly after.  An empty stomach only makes matters worse, but getting sick has never been pleasurable, even after the fact.

Now, for pictures...

Due Date: last week of May 2013

How far along? 13 1/2, almost 14 really.. 

Symptoms: nausea, bloating, emotional

This week, Baby is the size of: a peach, a lemon, a shrimp, anything that's 3in long I suppose!

Total weight gain: I was 4lbs lighter than original weight. I should be catching up here pretty soon.

Gender: unknown

Food cravings: so, funny story... I knew I had a possibility of craving peperoncini, olives, or pickles - because I randomly crave those on the regular, and I didn't want to be caught off guard, so last time I went to the store, I bought one of each.  Well, sure enough, on Tuesday or so, I was DYING for a pickle, and went to my little jar and tried to open it, but couldn't.  I'm talking putting 10 minutes of effort into this stupid jar.  I started jumping up and down and semi-screaming at the jar and almost crying. Seriously, it was the most ridiculous moment I've had so far.  After lots of effort, banging on the lid with a knife, etc., I finally ate my pickle about 30 minutes later. The craving had been replaced with frustration, so the pickle wasn't nearly as great as it would've been on the spot, but it was hilarious none the less. I proceeded to have the same experience with the peperoncini jar the following day, by the way. And yes, I opened the olive jar already, sans cravings.  Oh hey, temper tantrums, I hope you aren't hereditary! 

Anything making you queasy or sick: the act of waking up, and the act of trying to fall asleep. :(

Maternity clothes? I still fit into all my regular stuff, so that's nice.

Sleep: when I'm not nauseous. yes.

Movement: i can't feel anything yet

Stretch marks? nope

Wedding rings on or off? on

Swelling? does my tummy count? haha

Belly Button in or out? in

Labor Signs: I have plenty of months left until that happens

Happy or Moody most of the time: LAW being gone makes me sad.

Best moment this week: seeing stubborn Baby W*

What I miss: LAW, energy to do anything.

Looking forward to: Dec. 10th and then going home for the Holidays =]

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

1 Samuel 1:27

For this child did I pray, and the Lord hath granted me my petition, which I asked of him

Today is the day I've been looking forward to for the past six weeks!  The day I FINALLY get to shout to the world that Baby W* is coming!

It was definitely just as exciting as I pictured it, if not more.  I'm so overcome with happiness today!!  I've gotten the sweetest messages and phone calls, and I feel incredibly blessed to know these are the people our kid will grow up knowing.

Thank you all for your encouraging words and your outpouring of love!!

Here's to the next six months being healthier and sweeter than the last three!

Due Date: last week of May 2013

How far along? I'm at the twelve-week mark! SO EXCITING!!!!!

Symptoms: nausea, minor cramps, sore boobs, constant hunger, hormonal

This week, Baby is the size of: a plum

Total weight gain: I really need to buy a scale (no I don't!) - either way, still negative from starting weight

Gender: unknown

Food cravings: haha, I emailed my mom yesterday asking her to come home and make me a list of foods, so I guess that's what I'm craving! mom's home cooking. yumm.

Anything making you queasy or sick: I'm still fighting with eggs and pork, and no sign of being able to cook yet.

Maternity clothes? negative captain!

Sleep: oh man, I haven't been able to get much sleep, and it is killing me! The 2 AM wake up calls from the Nausea Monster are just horrible.

Movement: baby moves lots! I just can't feel it.

Stretch marks? nope

Wedding rings on or off? on

Swelling? Nope

Belly Button in or out? in

Labor Signs: I have plenty of months left until that happens

Happy or Moody most of the time: I'm just BLAH lately.  It is super boring and lonely up here by myself!!

Best moment this week: publicly announcing the pregnancy on FB ;)

What I miss: LAW, my cooking, my parents, feeling normal after every meal

Looking forward to: Dec. 10th, that's the next baby appointment! then going home for Christmas.  Thanksgiving is going to be super stinky this year! I wish I could've made my way out to Memphis after all.

Friday, November 9, 2012

This is going to be a looong Winter..

So this is going to be my first white Winter (I won't say Christmas because I may not be here for it, and I've already had a white Christmas in TN!) - But no mister to keep me warm or sit by the fireplace with me or make me hot cocoa with marshmallows or anything! Who's supposed to go out in the middle of the night and fulfill my cravings?  I'm certainly not. Not when there's snow on the ground, anyway!  Which may be sooner than I think.  We had our first snow in the city today.  Nothing major, no coating the ground or anything (it was melting shortly after touching ground), but the mountains have plenty of it already, and I hear you need to have chains on your tires if you want to drive out of here. Great.

Side note: Happy birthday to my FIL!

In baby news....

I had my last first-trimester doctor appointment yesterday, which also happened to be my first OB appointment with the new doctor I'll be seeing throughout my pregnancy.  I'd been extremely nervous about this appointment, and at the same time, really excited for it, in case the news were positive.  Still, after being told by every GYN so far that 1.  I was probably not going to get pregnant, 2. I was likely to miscarry if I did, and 3. I would have high-risk pregnancies even if I carried full term, it's hard to remain positive in between doctor visits when you can't SEE what's going on inside your belly.

Anyway.  The tech took me to the examining room and tried to listen to Baby W*'s heartbeat, but after 5-10 minutes of searching, she gave up.  She said, "maybe it's still too early" to which I replied, "Well, I'm a little over 11 weeks today.. is that too early?" And then tech said, "well...... *15 second pause*...... I'm going to get the doctor and he can talk to you."  That's when I experienced the longest ten minutes of my life.  I started praying that baby was okay and she just had a hard time finding the heartbeat.  After my five-minute prayer consisting of why Baby W* needed to be okay, I just kept repeating "Please let Baby be okay. Please let Baby be okay" over and over as I laid on that super uncomfortable table - legs propped up and everything.  When Doc finally came in and asked how I was, my voice was cracking as I tried to respond, "well, super nervous now since she couldn't hear a heartbeat."  Doc came highly recommended, and rightfully so.  He put me at ease immediately, and decided to do a vaginal ultrasound again to get a better picture of Baby W*

The minute I saw Baby W* on the screen, moving around and party rockin' in my belly, I started crying.  I was overwhelmed with this happiness and just feeling.. well, blessed.  I know I say this a lot.  But seriously, Baby W* is definitely my little miracle baby, and as big of a pain as it's been to be sick 24/7, getting to see Baby W* on the screen is just the most amazing thing I've ever laid my eyes on.  Let's not even talk of the heartbeat.  Nothing compares to the feelings I've been experiencing these last two days.  Doc said, "Oh, you're crying already!" I guess someone should've filled him in on my history and how special this whole thing is.  I have so much more faith in a successful pregnancy after yesterday's appointment, and being only days away from the first big milestone, the twelve week mark, I'm finally letting myself enjoy the slight belly I'm getting.

The only thing I wish I could change would be having LAW experience all these things with me.  It's crazy to think how different my body will be when he finally comes home.


Due Date: last week of May 2013

How far along? 11 weeks and some days

Symptoms: nausea, sleepiness, minor cramps

This week, Baby is the size of: a lime - my favorite =]

Total weight gain: So I'm still 7 lbs lighter than I was five weeks ago...

Gender: starting to develop!

Food cravings: so this one is a bit hard, because I want tamarind candy all the time.. but I mean, that's not much different than pre-pregnancy!

Anything making you queasy or sick: pork and eggs still.. raw meat/chicken.  it's impossible for me to even attempt to cook right now.

Maternity clothes? no

Sleep: I'm back to waking up at 2 AM every morning, takes me about 2-3 hours to fall back asleep, and wake up shortly after that for good.  Then I crash at 2 PM for at least 2 hours.

Movement: nothing that I can feel, but Baby W* was active as can be in yesterday's ultrasound!

Stretch marks? nope

Wedding rings on or off? on

Swelling? Nope

Belly Button in or out? in.

Labor Signs: definitely not.

Happy or Moody most of the time: I haven't been moody, just lonely and sad with LAW being gone. Hugs and kisses would be nice, they're definitely missed.

Best moment this week: seeing Baby W* move around yesterday. I'm in love.

What I miss: hugs and kisses.. eating without dry-heaving shortly after.

Looking forward to: twelve week mark next week.  One trimester closer to the gold! =]

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Receive a Blessing,

Be a Blessing...

Monday was a great day for me.  DM and MM had their son, MJM, on Sunday!  I got to meet that sweet little boy on Monday evening and then headed to dinner.  As if that wasn't exciting enough... we got to talk to my FIL on our way to dinner.  So LAW and I had been waiting for a few days now to get his dad and stepmom together to tell them the news.  Last Thursday, LAW's stepsister, JB and her husband, CB, placed a little "surprise" in my FIL's house, and we've been waiting for the perfect opportunity to send them looking for it!  Unfortunately, this weekend, my FIL had a drill weekend so when we finally got to talk to him and JW (my stepmom in law) on Monday, it was the first thing we sent them out to do!  The surprise was a little baby hoodie and little gloves and a note saying "Papa J & TT: You may need these when I get here! Love, Baby W*"
They were super excited and basically incomprehensible for about five minutes after that!  All I heard was *scream scream scream, SO EXCITED, scream scream scream, BABY, scream scream scream* So it's safe to say they were stoked!
At dinner, I saw a table full of nuns and a Priest, and I told LAW that I really wanted to ask them to pray for Baby W*, so like a regular stalker, I followed one of the nuns into the restroom... I told her about my situation and asked for prayers if it wasn't too much of a bother.  She was very sweet, and asked if I wanted the Father's blessings, so they did a little circle around me and prayed for my baby's health.  I had this overwhelming sense of calmness when this all happened, and even if it was just for those few minutes, I just felt like things were going to be okay.

After leaving the restaurant, we were driving back to the hospital to pick up my car, and I encountered a super creepy sight... there was a homeless man just creeping on a girl who was walking home by herself, so we drove up to her and let her know what was going on.  We watched until she got home, and the creeper started walking to try and find her but quickly turned around when he couldn't figure out where she'd gone.  Sometimes you receive blessings in your life, and sometimes you have to be a blessing in someone else's life..

I can't believe today is the last day in October. I can't believe LAW leaves so soon.  I can get through this, right?!?!  :(

Due Date: last week of May 2013

How far along? 10 weeks

Symptoms: nausea, exhaustion, moodiness...

This week, Baby is the size of: a prune!

Total weight gain: I actually don't know this week.. I don't own a scale and I haven't been to the doc in a couple of weeks!

Gender: who knows! First dream I had of Baby W* he was a boy, though!

Food cravings: today I've been craving cheese. cheeeeeese.

Anything making you queasy or sick: everything.

Maternity clothes? no

Sleep: I am getting better at that, sometimes I just have bad nights

Movement: none

Stretch marks? nope

Wedding rings on or off? on

Swelling? Nope

Belly Button in or out? in

Labor Signs: definitely not.

Happy or Moody most of the time: It's a sad week for me with LAW heading out.. blah.

Best moment this week: Monday, overall.

What I miss: feeling normal

Looking forward to: next week!  Week eleven, doctor's appointment - hopefully that means an ultrasound to see how Baby W* is doing!  and one week closer to telling the news to the rest of my family and friends

Thursday, October 25, 2012

I wish...

I wish I could enjoy this pregnancy a little more.

I'm so focused on the risks, that it's hard to really enjoy being pregnant.  I guess the constant nausea and morning all-day sickness doesn't help, either.  I'm amazed at how much more emotional/sensitive I could get (seriously, I bet LAW is super excited to be going on that deployment and missing all the tears that have come along with my pregnancy).  I'm also amazed at how quickly I run out of breath and how tired I feel in a matter of seconds.  One minute I'm fine, and the next I can barely keep my eyes open! I feel like my body is constantly wearing itself out, just by sitting here.  I read that my body is creating 50% more blood to aid in the growth of my uterus and carry more oxygen and nutrients to my frijolito. That in itself puts a lot of pressure on my body and causes most of the tiredness I'm feeling.
I'm also worried about how sick I get after every meal.  I hope I'm getting enough nutrients in my body even though everything comes up shortly after going down.  And then I'm running out of things that sound appetizing.. because let's be real, once that burger comes back up, you really want to hold off on putting another one back down.. TMI?? Imagine living with it! Hahaha!

I don't have my first OB appointment until Nov 8th.  NOVEMBER 8TH!  That's two weeks away.  I'll be eleven weeks by then!  I thought high risk = more doctor visits, more nerves to calm, more frequent appointments!
On the plus side, by then it should be a bit more clear of the direction this is going. I'm hopeful that if I make it that long - if my frijolito makes it that long - then I can ease up a bit and begin planning for a full-term pregnancy.  Still. So much fear surrounding this whole thing.

We finally told the first person in LAW's family yesterday.  It was his sister, JR's birthday, so we called her and told her we got her a present but she couldn't open it until May of next year. She knew what we were talking about way before we made such an obvious statement, though. haha!  We sent her a picture of the ultrasound, and she asked if we were messing with her and we'd downloaded it off the internet - until she saw the name written on the ultrasound.  She's super excited and super supportive.  I can't wait to tell the rest of his family!

Until next time!

Due Date: last week of May 2013

How far along? 9 week'ish

Symptoms: nausea, sore boobs, exhaustion, ridiculous thirst, horrible cramps, and HOLY emotions!

This week, Baby is the size of: a green olive-you!

Total weight gain: still negative what I started.

Gender: unknown, but the sex wars have begun in this household. As much as I want a boy, I still think it's a girl. LAW says it's a boy. MM says it's a girl, SB's vote is boy, and Papa Bear says it's a girl. Looks like "girl" vote is winning!

Food cravings: seriously, mom's home cooking. Can I move her in already?? and cookies.

Anything making you queasy or sick: everything.

Maternity clothes? not for a long while

Sleep: umm. it's getting better I guess!

Movement: negative

Stretch marks? nope

Wedding rings on or off? on

Swelling? Nope

Belly Button in or out? in

Labor Signs: definitely not.

Happy or Moody most of the time: hahaha more emotional than anything.

Best moment this week: telling JR the news!

What I miss: eating without feeling sick.

Looking forward to: Telling more of LAW's family the news.. November 8th, and the following week since it's week twelve! OH and even before that, DM & MM delivering a healthy baby boy, MJM! can't wait to meet him!!!! But I'm really dreading next week.. That's when LAW leaves on his deployment. super sucky!!!

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Not every story has a happy ending

So as I had previously mentioned, AL&AB were also expecting their first child.  After coming home from the trip, they went in for another ultrasound to find out their due date, and as heartbreaking as it is to repeat, the doctor didn't find a fetus, just the yolk sac.  My heart broke into a million little pieces when I heard the news.  I hate how unfair life can be sometimes.  I hate that things like this happen to perfectly good people.  I hate that thousands of people choose to willingly rid themselves of little miracles while people like my brother and SIL live with something that is out of their control.
I can't even begin to imagine the heartache they are feeling, and so all I can do is pray and ask that you do the same for them.

"Daddy please don't look so sad,momma please don't cry. 
Cause I'm in the arms of Jesus, and he sings me lullabies. 
please try not to question God, don't think he is unkind. 
Don't think he sent me to you and then changed his mind. 
You see I'm a special child, I am needed up above. 
I'm the special gift you gave Him, a product of your love. 
I'll always be there with you, so watch the sky at night. 
Look for the brightest star and know that's my halo's brilliant light. 
You'll see me in the morning frost that mists your window pane. 
That's me in the summer showers, I'll be dancing in the rain. 
When you feel a gentle breeze from a gentle wind that blows. 
Know that it's me planting a kiss upon your nose. 
When you see a child playing and your heart feels a tug, 
Don't be sad mommy, that's just me giving your heart a hug. 
So daddy don't looks so sad and momma please don't cry. 
I'm in the arms of Jesus and he sings me lullabies!"

Thursday, October 18, 2012

You are so wanted.

Hi, my Frijolito, this post is for you.

Maybe I should call you my little raspberry, that's about the size of you right now. I want you to know how much happiness, hope, excitement, and curiosity you have brought into my life in your short eight weeks of existence.  I want you to know that already, you are so incredibly loved by the handful of people who know of you.  I want you know how excited I am for these next four weeks to fly by so that I can announce this new life to the rest of the world.  It isn't that I am not confident in you.  I know you have already beat so many odds by just being around, no help needed.  I just want to give you the proper amount of time to grow stronger and healthier inside my little belly before I start having to answer questions and comments about you.
I still find it hard to believe you are here. Growing more and more each day.  If it wasn't for your daily reminders via my nausea monster, I may forget altogether of the precautions I have to take from now on.  You are worth every second of the fatigue I'm feeling.

I got to see you again yesterday.  This time, I saw your little heartbeat.  You've grown so much already in the short two weeks since I last saw you - going from a mere 4mm to a whole 17mm.  I can see the little spots where your beautiful big eyes will be (because you're definitely getting my eyes!).  I love you to the moon and back a gazillion times.  I'm excited to watch you grow.  You are my entire world - you will never fully understand just how much you are wanted. Keep pushing through.  Keep being my little miracle.

Due Date: last week of May 2013

How far along? 8w1d + or - 5 days, per the ultrasound

Symptoms: nausea, super sore boobs, insomnia, exhaustion, ridiculous thirst, cramps

This week, Baby is the size of: a raspberry (17mm)

Total weight gain: I lost 5 lbs

Gender: unknown

Food cravings: carne en su jugo.. anything my mom cooks... chilaquiles.. anything I cook. I just really don't want to cook.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Pork.  I can't stand the taste.  All I taste is grease. YUCK! Eggs.

Maternity clothes? nope

Sleep: sickness keeps interrupting my sleeping pattern, and sometimes I'll wake up at 4AM and just lay there.

Movement: not yet.

Stretch marks? nothing new

Wedding rings on or off? on

Swelling? Nope

Belly Button in or out? in

Labor Signs: definitely not.

Happy or Moody most of the time: moody out of frustration more than anything.

Best moment this week: Finding out that my little one grew! And getting to see the heart beat for the very first time.  Amazeballs.

What I miss: not what, but who. My parents!

Looking forward to: Telling LAW's side of the family. Twelve week mark

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

sick as can be.

So I didn't get much rest on Friday night, and I had a hard time getting through Saturday.  Apparently my throat has declared war on my body, so I did shots of honey and lime all night.  Who needs tequila, right??
Everyone kept offering me some medicines.  It's hard to keep secret the real reason I couldn't accept anything, as miserable as I was feeling and looking.
I lost my voice by Sunday evening, and there's no sign of it coming back quite yet. I don't care. I think I sound sexy, even if LAW disagrees. haha.

Speaking of LAW, so we finally told my siblings on Monday night and this morning.  My favorite was probably when LAW told FB (my oldest brother).  I had told him I had some gossip for him on Monday night and he needed to stop by my aunt's but he didn't, so we weren't able to tell him at the same time we told SB (sister), AB or AL.  The three of them reacted nicely.  AB kinda figured we were about to tell them we were pregnant too before we actually spilled the beans.  AL was excited, though.  It's going to be neat to have two rugrats around the same age, even if we're a whole State away! I think she's about a week behind me.  SB says she wants them to have a girl now and us to have a boy. I'm on board with that.  LAW already calls my Frijolito a boy.  Based on the nausea though, I still think it's a girl.  Getting off topic here, my bad.

So this morning we went and picked up FB from his hotel and LAW says to him:

LAW: So wait, you didn't hear??
FB: No, what's up?
LAW: OH MAN. I can't believe you don't know!  So check this out.  About six, seven weeks ago, right babe?
xP: Yeah, somewhere around there
LAW: [whispering] I knocked up your sister
FB: What?! Seriously?! Are you guys serious? Really? xP, you're pregnant?! WOW. Congratulations man! But now I'm going to have to kill you for having sex with my little sister!
And a round of hugs and kisses made its way around

And reason #7462890 why I love my brother so much?  He asked me about the risks and what it means with my condition and past surgeries and such, and then asked how I'm feeling emotionally, mentally and physically.  He is one of a kind, I tell you.

Mama Bear kept talking to her grandbaby today, too.  She just put her palm on my belly and kept telling my Frijolito how much she loved him/her already and how excited she was to meet him/her.  Papa Bear also told me he loved all three of us when we left Cancun.  He told me to take really good care of his grandbaby.  And I am.

God is too amazing.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Double the Trouble

Double the fun!

No, no twins for me.  Turns out, my sister-in-law, AL, is also pregnant!  We saw her and AB (my brother) on Wednesday, and they showed us the ultrasound picture. So crazy!  I just kept looking at LAW thinking "holy crap!!" and wondering how I was going to give them my news now! haha!
It actually kinda worked out better to set the scene for telling my parents, though.  We took them to a really nice Churrascaria in Cancun, and I arranged for dessert to arrive with a decorated plate that read,
"Felicidades Abuelos
Bebe W*"
Dinner went as normal, and when the dessert dish arrived, my mom simply said, "awww" thinking it was for AL/AB's news, and when she saw the very bottom of the dish and realized it was about me, she practically jumped out of her seat and got what seemed like a short panic attack, began pouring down tears and hugged me so tightly I thought I was going to turn blue!  My dad simply asked, "are you for real?" in his thick accent, and then joined in on the hugs, tears, laughs, etc. 

I'm still super stoked about letting my siblings know, too.

Anyway, on Monday I got a call from my doctor and from my previous instructions, he left me a message with my blood work results.  Turns out my levels only increased 10% instead of the desired 40% after a 48 hour window.  Doc said that it's a clear indication of a possible future miscarriage.  I was definitely a mess that day, but after reading some stuff on PCOS forums, I saw that lots of women experienced low-climbing hCG levels and still went on to carry full term.  Regardless of, there is little I can do, other than continue hoping and praying for a healthy full-term pregnancy.  Nothing has happened yet, and it isn't healthy for me to worry myself silly because of possibilities, however big or small they may be.  I am fully aware of the risks, and so I can only ask for lots of prayers and positive thoughts these next 30-something weeks.

Wedding time tomorrow.. hopefully I can kick this cold to the curve by the night's end.  A little ease on the nausea would be nice, too.  But as my doctor said, nausea = good sign, so I guess keep the sucker coming!

Due Date: last week of May 2013

How far along? a little over seven weeks

Symptoms: nausea, super sore boobs exhaustion, ridiculous thirst, all-day sickness

This week, Baby is the size of: a blueberry

Total weight gain: the way I've been eating down here, I'd say 10 lbs.. but it has nothing to do with baby! haha

Gender: unknown

Food cravings: tacos al vapor. Someone please find me tacos al vapor. and Pescadillas. yummm.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Eggs still. and anything I eat, really.

Maternity clothes? negative captain!

Sleep: it's gotten a little better as far as falling asleep. Now I just wake up randomly and get sick.. then go back to sleep.

Movement: negative

Stretch marks? nothing I didn't already have!

Wedding rings on or off? on

Swelling? Nope

Belly Button in or out? in

Labor Signs: definitely not.

Happy or Moody most of the time: moody from being sick all the time.

Best moment this week: finding out AB&AL are pregnant, too! Oh, and definitely my parents' reaction when we told them. That was super cool!

What I miss: going out to restaurants without getting sick immediately after eating... that's pretty embarrassing.. haha. and drinking.  I'm in Cancun for heaven's sake!

Looking forward to: Wedding time tomorrow. and telling my siblings on Monday.

Saturday, October 6, 2012


"It was the tiniest thing I ever decided to put my whole life into" - unknown

Well, we leave for Paradise in a few hours, and I still hadn't told LAW.  I thought of telling him with a photographer around and capturing the moment forever, but then I thought of how difficult it would be to convince him I really didn't want to have a single alcoholic beverage beach side for the next four days, and I realized I really couldn't wait any longer.  After surprising MM with the news yesterday, I dragged her out with me today to run some errands, buy some prenatals, and search for a cute way to tell LAW the news.
As if the universe had aligned, I came across the most perfect picture frame at Hallmark.  It says "Tiny Miracle" on it, and inside of it, I placed my very first ultrasound picture.  I had it gift wrapped and decided I would give LAW a "just because" present that wasn't so much "just because."

Now, we just moved into our very own first home. Considering how sick I've been, morning or otherwise, we haven't really gotten around to putting stuff away quite yet.. so packing took a little more effort than we were both willing to put in, and naturally, it dragged on well past midnight. Meanwhile, my gift bag just sat on the bed waiting for the perfect moment to be opened.  I can't tell you the anxiety I felt any time I was downstairs or just away from our bedroom.  Any time he would enter the room I was in, my heart would speed up thinking he'd finally opened it.

Right before bed, he finally looked inside.  It went something like this...

LAW: Can I open it now?
xP: Sure, if you want.
LAW: I want.
xP: Okay.
LAW: No way.  You're pregnant?! Are you [flippin] serious?!
Then rushed over to give me kisses and hug me

He was so nervous and excited and surprised!  It couldn't have gone any better than that.

I can't wait to tell my family. But it'll have to wait until AB's wedding on the 13th. At least to tell my siblings.  I'm sure I'll tell my parents the first chance I get.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

I'm still in disbelief. At a loss for words.

I decided it was time to do another round of Clomid before LAW deploys. Went and saw my new doctor on Tuesday the 25th and he put me on Provera for ten days.
Something just didn't seem right with the side effects I was feeling. Curiosity creeped over me, and I decided to take a pregnancy test on Friday. When that second barely-there line appeared, I immediately thought it was just a case of screwed-up hormone imbalance. By Saturday night I decided I'd stop taking my prescription for the sake of safety. Five days on Provera is usually enough, anyway.
I spent all of Sunday night hugging the "throne" and really spilling my heart and soul into it. Logically, first thing Monday morning I retook the test and barely passed the two-line result once again. I called my doctor and asked that we confirm on my following appointment this morning.
Just six months ago I was writing about my frustrations of trying for the past year with no avail. And today, in that little tiny monitor, I saw my little miracle barely making its presence known.  I hear you're the size of a lentil...
I was immediately rushed to do blood lab work to check my hCG levels and will be returning on Friday for the second blood-sucking appointment.
There's some worry about the Provera, and some confusion as to why they didn't test my urine in the first place, but with the Grace of God, I'm hoping and praying everything turns out perfectly.

It is taking every inch of will in my body not to tell LAW until I know more. This is so surreal.

Due Date: last week of May 2013

How far along? around six weeks

Symptoms: nausea, super sore boobs, insomnia, exhaustion, ridiculous thirst, heightened sense of smell.

This week, Baby is the size of: a small pea (measured 4mm)

Total weight gain: none yet. It's too early for that!

Gender: unknown

Food cravings: a few days ago I was DYING for Chinese food. two days later I couldn't stand the smell.

Anything making you queasy or sick: the sight/smell of eggs. WOW, so gross. And really strong smells.. like Chinese food...

Maternity clothes? haha that would be silly!

Sleep: nausea has kept me up most of the night. I fall asleep at around 1 AM and wake up at around 3:30 AM. Fall back asleep at 7 AM, and wake up at 8 AM. C'est la vie!

Movement: only my food coming back up. hahaha

Stretch marks? nothing I didn't already have!

Wedding rings on or off? on

Swelling? Nope

Belly Button in or out? in

Labor Signs: definitely not.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Right now, moody. Insomnia + nausea + exhaustion make for a deadly combination

Best moment this week: confirmation of my positive pregnancy test.. with an ULTRASOUND! I got to see my Frijolito for the very first time!

What I miss: sleep. definitely sleep.

Looking forward to: Telling LAW the news this week. and my family next week! And the twelve week mark. Always the twelve week mark.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Amici Probantur Rebus Adversis

Friends Are Proved By Adversity

It is only after going through some sort of adversity that you realize who your real friends are.  As sad as it is to say, there's so much truth in that statement.  As connected as we seem to be with all the new technology, we have forgotten how to properly interact with one another.
A friend's birthday comes and goes, and we think that a FB post or a text should suffice.  Friends announce engagements, weddings, even pregnancies over the internet before calling those closest to them.  Friends go through some sort of adversity in their lives, and we think a simple post on their wall, reply to their tweet, or comment on their blog automatically replaces that undeniable need we have for human interaction.
While on one side, social media helps us reconnect with our cousins' best friend's sister's husband's little brother, we lose that amazing connection we have with our neighbors, friends, and family when we stop meeting at the park for dog play dates in order to keep in touch with friends online.
I am definitely guilty of this.  More so than most of my friends.  I am glued to my computer and feel "filled in" and up to date on everyone's life, but I've lost touch with some of my closest friends because we just drifted away, blaming it on our busy schedules to even fit in a phone call here and there.

I went in for surgery on August 4th. I stayed in the hospital for 4ish days.  I had a handful of visitors who took time out of their busy schedules, driving over 30 minutes just to see how I was.  The people I expected to see never showed.  One only sent me a message the day I went in, and then I never heard from her again.  Not while I was in the hospital, and not any time after.  A text.. really?  You have to choose your battles.  This one just isn't worth fighting for anymore.  I only want friends who want to be in my life.