Saturday, May 17, 2014

365 days. A whole spin around the sun

1 Samuel 1:27
That was the first verse I thought of when I found out I was pregnant.  It's the first verse I think of any time I look at that sweet face.
LAW said thats how he knew we were having a boy, because it's a prayer for a boy.
It's a constant reminder of God's love.  A reminder that He is so good to me, even when I lack faith and hope and sometimes even prayer. A reminder that He knows my heart, and it is His timing, not mine, that decides what/when/where/why and how.

When I first made this journal, I had intended for it to be an anonymous place where I could voice all the issues I had been dealing with for the previous two years in relation to my infertility.  I was torn up inside and needed an outlet.

In August 2012 (and after three failed attempts at fertility treatments), I went to the ER and had to get my appendix removed.  While the docs were doing their thing, they cleaned up a bunch of cysts that had burst (thanks PCOS), and that was that.  The next month, without my knowledge, I got what I always wanted.

I am in awe when I think of how God works.  I can't believe I went from this frustrated post to this shocking one in just a few months.
That even after knowing I was carrying a little one inside, and receiving a call from my doctor as I vacationed in Cancun stating that I would most likely miscarry, I get to sit here today, a year after welcoming him into our world on his termsnot mine..

This little guy is perfect.  If you've met him, you know he's got an awesome personality, definitely gets his calmness from dad. He has taught me so much in such a short period of time.  He has taught me to enjoy the little things, he has taught me how amazing and interesting this world can be.  He has taught me I can function on 3-4 hours of sleep for months at a time, and that one little smile works 100x better than caffeine.
I often joke that if God only sends me one little miracle, I'm okay with it, because Elijah is pretty dang awesome, and I don't know how I could top that.

I feel incredibly blessed to have been able to experience this first year with him, to watch him go from this little crying machine into this goofy speed-crawling laughing little person!

I know it's his birthday but I'm the one who got the better end of the deal here. Lucky to be his mama, lucky to have him as my son.

Happy first birthday, little man.  Mama loves you more than words could ever express.