sick as can be.

So I didn't get much rest on Friday night, and I had a hard time getting through Saturday.  Apparently my throat has declared war on my body, so I did shots of honey and lime all night.  Who needs tequila, right??
Everyone kept offering me some medicines.  It's hard to keep secret the real reason I couldn't accept anything, as miserable as I was feeling and looking.
I lost my voice by Sunday evening, and there's no sign of it coming back quite yet. I don't care. I think I sound sexy, even if LAW disagrees. haha.

Speaking of LAW, so we finally told my siblings on Monday night and this morning.  My favorite was probably when LAW told FB (my oldest brother).  I had told him I had some gossip for him on Monday night and he needed to stop by my aunt's but he didn't, so we weren't able to tell him at the same time we told SB (sister), AB or AL.  The three of them reacted nicely.  AB kinda figured we were about to tell them we were pregnant too before we actually spilled the beans.  AL was excited, though.  It's going to be neat to have two rugrats around the same age, even if we're a whole State away! I think she's about a week behind me.  SB says she wants them to have a girl now and us to have a boy. I'm on board with that.  LAW already calls my Frijolito a boy.  Based on the nausea though, I still think it's a girl.  Getting off topic here, my bad.

So this morning we went and picked up FB from his hotel and LAW says to him:

LAW: So wait, you didn't hear??
FB: No, what's up?
LAW: OH MAN. I can't believe you don't know!  So check this out.  About six, seven weeks ago, right babe?
xP: Yeah, somewhere around there
LAW: [whispering] I knocked up your sister
FB: What?! Seriously?! Are you guys serious? Really? xP, you're pregnant?! WOW. Congratulations man! But now I'm going to have to kill you for having sex with my little sister!
And a round of hugs and kisses made its way around

And reason #7462890 why I love my brother so much?  He asked me about the risks and what it means with my condition and past surgeries and such, and then asked how I'm feeling emotionally, mentally and physically.  He is one of a kind, I tell you.

Mama Bear kept talking to her grandbaby today, too.  She just put her palm on my belly and kept telling my Frijolito how much she loved him/her already and how excited she was to meet him/her.  Papa Bear also told me he loved all three of us when we left Cancun.  He told me to take really good care of his grandbaby.  And I am.

God is too amazing.

Double the Trouble

Double the fun!

No, no twins for me.  Turns out, my sister-in-law, AL, is also pregnant!  We saw her and AB (my brother) on Wednesday, and they showed us the ultrasound picture. So crazy!  I just kept looking at LAW thinking "holy crap!!" and wondering how I was going to give them my news now! haha!

It actually kinda worked out better to set the scene for telling my parents, though.  We took them to a really nice Churrascaria in Cancun, and I arranged for dessert to arrive with a decorated plate that read,

"Felicidades Abuelos

Bebe W*"

Dinner went as normal, and when the dessert dish arrived, my mom simply said, "awww" thinking it was for AL/AB's news, and when she saw the very bottom of the dish and realized it was about me, she practically jumped out of her seat and got what seemed like a short panic attack, began pouring down tears and hugged me so tightly I thought I was going to turn blue!  My dad simply asked, "are you for real?" in his thick accent, and then joined in on the hugs, tears, laughs, etc. 

I'm still super stoked about letting my siblings know, too.

Anyway, on Monday I got a call from my doctor and from my previous instructions, he left me a message with my blood work results.  Turns out my levels only increased 10% instead of the desired 40% after a 48 hour window.  Doc said that it's a clear indication of a possible future miscarriage.  I was definitely a mess that day, but after reading some stuff on PCOS forums, I saw that lots of women experienced low-climbing hCG levels and still went on to carry full term.  Regardless of, there is little I can do, other than continue hoping and praying for a healthy full-term pregnancy.  Nothing has happened yet, and it isn't healthy for me to worry myself silly because of possibilities, however big or small they may be.  I am fully aware of the risks, and so I can only ask for lots of prayers and positive thoughts these next 30-something weeks.

Wedding time tomorrow.. hopefully I can kick this cold to the curve by the night's end.  A little ease on the nausea would be nice, too.  But as my doctor said, nausea = good sign, so I guess keep the sucker coming!

Due Date: last week of May 2013

How far along? a little over seven weeks

Symptoms: nausea, super sore boobs exhaustion, ridiculous thirst, all-day sickness

This week, Baby is the size of: a blueberry

Total weight gain: the way I've been eating down here, I'd say 10 lbs.. but it has nothing to do with baby! haha

Gender: unknown

Food cravings: tacos al vapor. Someone please find me tacos al vapor. and Pescadillas. yummm.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Eggs still. and anything I eat, really.

Maternity clothes? negative captain!

Sleep: it's gotten a little better as far as falling asleep. Now I just wake up randomly and get sick.. then go back to sleep.

Movement: negative

Stretch marks? nothing I didn't already have!

Wedding rings on or off? on

Swelling? Nope

Belly Button in or out? in

Labor Signs: definitely not.

Happy or Moody most of the time: moody from being sick all the time.

Best moment this week: finding out AB&AL are pregnant, too! Oh, and definitely my parents' reaction when we told them. That was super cool!

What I miss: going out to restaurants without getting sick immediately after eating... that's pretty embarrassing.. haha. and drinking.  I'm in Cancun for heaven's sake!

Looking forward to: Wedding time tomorrow. and telling my siblings on Monday.

Surprise!

"It was the tiniest thing I ever decided to put my whole life into" - unknown

Well, we leave for Paradise in a few hours, and I still hadn't told LAW.  I thought of telling him with a photographer around and capturing the moment forever, but then I thought of how difficult it would be to convince him I really didn't want to have a single alcoholic beverage beach side for the next four days, and I realized I really couldn't wait any longer.  After surprising MM with the news yesterday, I dragged her out with me today to run some errands, buy some prenatals, and search for a cute way to tell LAW the news.
As if the universe had aligned, I came across the most perfect picture frame at Hallmark.  It says "Tiny Miracle" on it, and inside of it, I placed my very first ultrasound picture.  I had it gift wrapped and decided I would give LAW a "just because" present that wasn't so much "just because."

Now, we just moved into our very own first home. Considering how sick I've been, morning or otherwise, we haven't really gotten around to putting stuff away quite yet.. so packing took a little more effort than we were both willing to put in, and naturally, it dragged on well past midnight. Meanwhile, my gift bag just sat on the bed waiting for the perfect moment to be opened.  I can't tell you the anxiety I felt any time I was downstairs or just away from our bedroom.  Any time he would enter the room I was in, my heart would speed up thinking he'd finally opened it.

Right before bed, he finally looked inside.  It went something like this...

LAW: Can I open it now?
xP: Sure, if you want.
LAW: I want.
xP: Okay.
LAW: No way.  You're pregnant?! Are you [flippin] serious?!
Then rushed over to give me kisses and hug me

He was so nervous and excited and surprised!  It couldn't have gone any better than that.

I can't wait to tell my family. But it'll have to wait until AB's wedding on the 13th. At least to tell my siblings.  I'm sure I'll tell my parents the first chance I get.

Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

I'm still in disbelief. At a loss for words.

I decided it was time to do another round of Clomid before LAW deploys. Went and saw my new doctor on Tuesday the 25th and he put me on Provera for ten days.
Something just didn't seem right with the side effects I was feeling. Curiosity creeped over me, and I decided to take a pregnancy test on Friday. When that second barely-there line appeared, I immediately thought it was just a case of screwed-up hormone imbalance. By Saturday night I decided I'd stop taking my prescription for the sake of safety. Five days on Provera is usually enough, anyway.
I spent all of Sunday night hugging the "throne" and really spilling my heart and soul into it. Logically, first thing Monday morning I retook the test and barely passed the two-line result once again. I called my doctor and asked that we confirm on my following appointment this morning.
Just six months ago I was writing about my frustrations of trying for the past year with no avail. And today, in that little tiny monitor, I saw my little miracle barely making its presence known.  I hear you're the size of a lentil...
I was immediately rushed to do blood lab work to check my hCG levels and will be returning on Friday for the second blood-sucking appointment.
There's some worry about the Provera, and some confusion as to why they didn't test my urine in the first place, but with the Grace of God, I'm hoping and praying everything turns out perfectly.

It is taking every inch of will in my body not to tell LAW until I know more. This is so surreal.

Due Date: last week of May 2013

How far along? around six weeks

Symptoms: nausea, super sore boobs, insomnia, exhaustion, ridiculous thirst, heightened sense of smell.

This week, Baby is the size of: a small pea (measured 4mm)

Total weight gain: none yet. It's too early for that!

Gender: unknown

Food cravings: a few days ago I was DYING for Chinese food. two days later I couldn't stand the smell.

Anything making you queasy or sick: the sight/smell of eggs. WOW, so gross. And really strong smells.. like Chinese food...

Maternity clothes? haha that would be silly!

Sleep: nausea has kept me up most of the night. I fall asleep at around 1 AM and wake up at around 3:30 AM. Fall back asleep at 7 AM, and wake up at 8 AM. C'est la vie!

Movement: only my food coming back up. hahaha

Stretch marks? nothing I didn't already have!

Wedding rings on or off? on

Swelling? Nope

Belly Button in or out? in

Labor Signs: definitely not.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Right now, moody. Insomnia + nausea + exhaustion make for a deadly combination

Best moment this week: confirmation of my positive pregnancy test.. with an ULTRASOUND! I got to see my Frijolito for the very first time!

What I miss: sleep. definitely sleep.

Looking forward to: Telling LAW the news this week. and my family next week! And the twelve week mark. Always the twelve week mark.

Amici Probantur Rebus Adversis

Friends Are Proved By Adversity

It is only after going through some sort of adversity that you realize who your real friends are.  As sad as it is to say, there's so much truth in that statement.  As connected as we seem to be with all the new technology, we have forgotten how to properly interact with one another.
A friend's birthday comes and goes, and we think that a FB post or a text should suffice.  Friends announce engagements, weddings, even pregnancies over the internet before calling those closest to them.  Friends go through some sort of adversity in their lives, and we think a simple post on their wall, reply to their tweet, or comment on their blog automatically replaces that undeniable need we have for human interaction.
While on one side, social media helps us reconnect with our cousins' best friend's sister's husband's little brother, we lose that amazing connection we have with our neighbors, friends, and family when we stop meeting at the park for dog play dates in order to keep in touch with friends online.
I am definitely guilty of this.  More so than most of my friends.  I am glued to my computer and feel "filled in" and up to date on everyone's life, but I've lost touch with some of my closest friends because we just drifted away, blaming it on our busy schedules to even fit in a phone call here and there.

I went in for surgery on August 4th. I stayed in the hospital for 4ish days.  I had a handful of visitors who took time out of their busy schedules, driving over 30 minutes just to see how I was.  The people I expected to see never showed.  One only sent me a message the day I went in, and then I never heard from her again.  Not while I was in the hospital, and not any time after.  A text.. really?  You have to choose your battles.  This one just isn't worth fighting for anymore.  I only want friends who want to be in my life.